The Beginning of an End
by Icy-Windbreeze
Summary: We often follow the start of something. However this time we see the end. Everything does not start when it should and end when it in fact should not. ShizNat Epilogue up!
1. Prologue

**The beginning of an end**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything connected to Mai Hime except for this little fic here.**

_-- _

_What is love? It is an emotion, affection, reason or for people like me it is simply a word containing_

_ four letters. Its meaning remained a mystery. Love was only empty words uttered to conceal a hidden _

_purpose. It may sound cold but __it was reality in my world then. I never knew love yet I desperately _

_needed__ it. Do we all not do so? Seek it whether big or small, true or false, romantic or plain in life_

_ or death. For who knows the true meaning of love? Even if we have felt it once we try to describe it _

_in writing, orally or by simply transform them into words we lose the meaning of love. Love is far _

_more mysterious than we are capable of describing in words. There are no words for it. Why? Because it_

_ has the ability of making us feel sadness, hatred, confusion, frustration and powerless. It is capable_

_ of transforming meaning and shape. Yet despite this we seek it and yearn for it._

_-- _

_Naturally I should also desire it. No matter how I deny it deep inside I do know. How much I also want_

_ to be swept of my feet by a prince charming or anybody for that matter. My father and mother had very _

_high expectations of me. I was to be flawless and simply perfect. They demanded perfection and no more_

_or less. I never enjoyed life as a lady. In fact I despised the political games they played, the _

_sincerity they displayed while underneath plotting of how to benefit as greatly and from as many as _

_possible. In some way I learned to put up a mask. A barrier and show only what I wanted other to see. _

_I become numb to my emotions and the crying pleads from my heart. In the end I managed to successfully_

_ both live up to my mother and fathers expectations while without fault learn the skill to always _

_maintain my polite smile no matter what. To much surprise wherever I went I always had a fan club in _

_school, constantly swooned by my grace and perfection. In the beginning I was… content. Everyone _

_wants or needs to be appreciated and admired. My fan club provided me with attention, compliments and _

_even lunch-boxes. At first I was flattered but with time I started to feel another unknown emotion not_

_ yet explored, loneliness. People adored, admired and surely wished to be like me. I was the ideal _

_human being, everything they wanted to be. I was perfect and flawless thus the more reason they kept _

_their distance. They were afraid to ruin the perfect picture, afraid of what they might find if _

_exploring deeper. The horror of coming to close and perhaps ruin the "illusion". Never would anyone _

_dare to approach nor cross the line between acquaintance and friend. They wanted to be near but at the_

_ same time keep a safe distance to prevent any emotional attachments. All they ever saw, and wanted to _

_see, was Fujino Shizuru the ideal person. Later my whole world turned upside down, for better or worse_

_ I cannot say, for even I do not know._

* * *

_-- _

_It was a beautiful and sunny day. I was taking my usual route to the student council room. I was _

_"accompanied" by my fan club, when my eye caught an interesting beauty. I never bother with taking _

_the first step to interact with people. Perhaps it was becoming a habit that everyone sooner or later _

_was drawn to me and I never had to bother with that issue. Maybe it was for this reason she caught my _

_attention. Surely I would have remembered if I ever spoke with such a dazzling creature. She had _

_beautiful dark blue hair and creamy smooth skin all along with a very nice figure.__ Simplified she was _

_breathtaking. It was then I became rather puzzled. When did I ever comment on peoples figure? Before _

_that moment I never believed in what many people claimed "love at first sight" actually existed. But_

_ currently in this situation I could no longer deny my hearts wishes, for I knew that not only my heart_

_ but every part of me wanted to at least understand this girl. She portrayed everything I wanted to be._

_ She was free to come and go as she wishes. She always spoke what was on her mind but the most _

_important was her freedom to show any emotions freely. Something I have not done in a very long time _

_and still did not easily do. I realized that I was indeed a coward. Wanting something but never dare _

_to cross the line. I wanted someone to free me or give me a push, anything to be free and for me she _

_was like a summer breeze. I felt that even if I could not break free from my chains that perhaps I _

_could at least enjoy the nice breeze. I believe it was then I became addicted to this Kuga, Natsuki._

* * *

_-- _

_I never meant it. It was never any of my intentions to let it get out of control. __I lost control. __When_

_I first found Natsuki at the mercy of Nao she looked like she lost her soul. My whole being was filled_

_ with rage, I was furious. But I was also scared. I was afraid to lose her. With time my addiction _

_became worse. I missed her, needed her and wanted her but deep down I knew such love as mine was _

_doomed to never be accepted. Not only by her, but also everyone around me. This was forbidden love, _

_something that existed but never to be uttered or displayed. It was considered wrong, filthy and _

_unnatural. They say it was never meant to be. It is always suppose to be a boy and girl. Then how come_

_ I feel this way? If it is so wrong then why, why do I feel this attraction? Who decided what is wrong _

_or right? Never would anyone say that loving someone could be something so wrong yet we hesitate to _

_accept people who simply love as you or me. Love does not care for gender but humans do. We created _

_the word "Love". We gave these four letters its meaning and purpose but still we restrict it. Not _

_wanting to lose total control.We always have control and if not we simply rearrange after what we _

_think is the most appropriate. Ironic is it not? I, who always need control, falls victim for the same_

_ purpose. _

_-- _

_I convinced myself that the best solution would be to stay away, and let it subside. Logically it __was_

_the best solution however; it does not mean my heart will simply comply with what my brain has _

_decided. Luckily during the so called "HIME festival" everyone was busy cleaning up after the damage _

_caused and I was left at peace for the moment. I knew that I would have to face my inner demons and _

_suffer the consequences of my actions. But I silently begged that the day never to come. I wanted just_

_ a little more time, a little more time to observe the owner of my heart. Although she was beginning to_

_ be able to speak with me normally I still saw the fear in her eyes whenever I came to close upon her. _

_How I wished I never had such a keen eye to be able to spot details. How I wished I could keep on _

_lying to myself and think that she one day will accept you, just keep holding on. However Natsuki is _

_too kind and innocent, even though when I that night took some of hers, she still has plenty left and _

_for that she will forgive me no matter how much pain she is in. For she feels that she owes me _

_something and will do anything just to keep me sane. I know I hurt her. I betrayed her trust. I killed_

_ for her. And she feels responsible for my mad rampage. She hates me and still she cares for me. I will_

_ always live with the burden of all the lives I have taken. Maybe if I had not lost control then _

_perhaps I would still be able to dream on about a life with her. But now it is different. The more I _

_am with her the more I will be reminded of the pain of rejection along with the crimes I committed. I _

_cannot go on but I do not want to stop. For the first time Fujino Shizuru is the one confused and _

_lost, or maybe I always was. Strangely somehow I keep wishing to be lost, to never be found and _

_forever remain in my maze._

* * *

This is my first attempt to writing a fic which means be nice if you are to criticize. English is not my mother tongue and I apologise for any grammar and spelling errors. Furthermore this is a prologue so now I hand over the power to you dear readers. This is a one-shot so drop a line or two and tell me if I should continue or simply drop the whole project cause it stinks to much . 

Thanks for reading!


	2. Part One

I thank all of you who have taken your time to read my first fic. I am even more grateful to those who even made effort of dropping me a review. If you ask my boyfriend I was really nervous before posting the prologue and afterwards I was bouncing and really happy for with your positive response. But I guess you didn't really click into this story just to read about me right? So on with the fic!

-"Speaking"

_-"Someone else speaking"_

_--_

* * *

**Disclaimer: I only own the plot and nothing more or less.**

It has been a whole week. A week since I last saw Natsuki. The reasons are many. But no matter how I

disguise them, in the end it is still the same. I vowed to myself that I would set her free. Never

again would I be the cause of her misery. The guilt that remained from the HIME-festival would be

carried by me alone. Again and again would I gather up courage to finally tell her to do whatever she

wished, whatever she truly wished for. Then when the time, which was decided by me, came, I would

simply make up excuses. Reasons, for which I could not, would not, should not or did not want to meet

her. And now I have postponed it for a week. Painfully enduring not seeing her when otherwise I would

count seconds when I would meet her once again. But the mere thought of what I would have to utter

words which contradict what I am feeling. To actually once again have to put up my mask in front of

Natsuki when I really want to show her the whole me, the REAL me. Which is why I am now sitting behind

my former desk and, as calmly as I can be, drinking my afternoon tea. A memory of Natsuki brings a

smile to my face. And for a split second I forget my worries.

--

However it does not last for long. A shrill from my cellphone interrupts my peaceful daydreaming. Once

again it is time to put on my mask, and the charade can once again begin.

-"Hello, this is Fujino Shizuru speaking. "

-"_Cut the crap and tell my why the hell you've been avoiding me." _

Ah, speaking of the devil. Here she is. A genuine smile graces my face.

-"I am afraid I do not understand what you mean. As a matter of fact I was planning on contacting

you. But I see that someone was a bit more eager than me."

_-__"WHAT?! I'm not... I wasn't...I mean you...ARGHH!! I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. _

_Just tell me...did I do something wrong?"_

She is as shifting as the sea. One second a raging storm and the next it is a calmness that makes you

wonder if the sea in truth is as frightening as people say. And her sadness is something I really can

not handle well.

-"Natsuki should not worry too much. Natsuki has done nothing wrong. This means she should not worry.

How about lunch in the garden? I presume you know which one?

_-"Yeah, I know which garden. But isn't it usually very crowded?"_

"Ara, Natsuki we are simply having lunch I am afraid I have to decline to any other inappropriate

activities, we are in public after all."

This is the only way we can communicate without it being too intimately.

_-"What do you mean inappropriate activities?__" _

_-"What are you...! _

_-"Oh my god! __SHIZURU!! What are you thinking I wasn't suggesting...__that__. Humph!" _

_-"Baka!"_

-"Ara ara, then may I ask what exactly were you suggesting then?"

_-"I just...__I want to be alone with you. Stop pushing me away." _

_-"Dammit Shizuru! Just talk to me! I'm not good at talking or expressing feelings or showing _

_emotions or...the bottom line is that I'm not good with people and their...stuff."_

And just like that she makes my defence wall crumble away like it never existed. No deep words, no

hidden meanings and no lies. It is all that I want, simply the truth.

-"And we will speak. However this is not the best of time. I would love to chat away my time with my

lovely Natsuki but I am afraid I still have some final paperwork to sign until I can hand over my

position as the school president. Can you survive until tomorrow at lunchtime or shall I end this

conversation with some hugs and kisses?"

_-"No! I mean yes! No, I don't know what I mean. What I mean is that I do know what I mean but you _

_don't know a__nd...uh... I'll see ya tomorrow! Bye!"_

Perhaps I went too far. She seemed to be in a hurry. I giggle at the thought of her tomato red

expression. I do not really know why I enjoy teasing her until she is so red that it is as if she will

explode any minute. Possibly for the fact that I can get the response from her that no other can or

are allowed to. This is my territory, in any case for now.

-- 

The next day passed by smoothly. Nothing in particular happened however a feeling of uneasiness

remained. I did not feel confident enough to face Natsuki. Despite my determination towards finally

releasing her I could not help myself from feeling...total emptiness. Nothing really mattered anymore.

I was once again shutting away my feelings and calmly analyzing every aspect in depth, as if it no

longer was about me. I should be feeling concern, fear and sorrow other than peacefully explaining the

situation without a hint of emotional attachment.

--

I noticed that the weather was rather gloomy. It did not seem as if it would rain soon. It seemed as

if it was holding back an upcoming storm. There were lots of clouds, blocking the rays of light from

filtering through. Still some managed to sneak themselves pass the clouds. The feeling of

uneasiness...still close by.

--

I arrived and started searching for my blue haired beauty. Finally I spotted someone sitting beneath a

tree, it seemed she was asleep. I walked closer but dared not to approach her too close. I was afraid

to disturb the peacefulness she portrayed. It was as if a circle was drawn around her and inside this

circle time stood still. In some way I felt sad, for not being able to take part inside this peaceful

circle. I must have observed her for quite a while, and probably continued; if not suddenly a voice

interrupted my thoughts.

_-"You're not as innocent like many people believe you are, Fujino?"_

It was a mocking voice, dripping with sarcasm and despise.

-"Ara, can I help you with something, Yuuki-san? Or perhaps we are familiar enough for me to address

you by the name Nao-san?"

If it is a battle of wits you want, it is what you will be given. I put on my best smile.

_-"Oh, I guess I know you __well enough, maybe __too__ good for my own safety. You have a very __special__...how _

_do you say it in your words? Ah, diversion."_

How did she know?

-"We all have our own types of diversion do we not, Nao-san?"

Oh, I think I may have stepped on a toe or two.

_-"Well I think that we have chitchatted enough. Let's get to business, shall we?"_

-"If you do not mind me saying, Nao-san, I do not know what this is regarding so I am afraid I do not

comprehend what ¨business¨ you speak of."

Add an innocent smile. Let it linger for a while, just like you were taught.

_-"Fine, you wanna play? I'll play your sick game, Fujino. You think Natsuki is sleeping, don't _

_you?"_

Oh, finally getting serious now are we?

_-"Don't even bother ans__wering that. She isn't sleeping...or in a way she is. And she will, for a _

_little while longer too."_

Suddenly I did not enjoy the way she was smiling or laughing.

--

* * *

This chapter got a little bit longer than I first intended so therefore I am splitting it up into two parts. And don't worry my boyfriend is as eager as you all to read the continuation. Thanks for reading and drop me a review and maybe I'll post the rest real soon! 


	3. La Grand Finale

I thank everyone who has read it and taken their time to review it.

I also want to thank my dear little sister for her great help with filling in the gaps of what should happen next and my handsome boyfriend for his support and encouragement. I now bring you the final chapter of my fanfiction. La Grand Finale!

Enjoy!

--

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot. And perhaps the thoughts and words.**

* * *

_--_

_-"I think I've finally found your weak spot, Fujino. I almost believe I could hear a ¨crack¨ in _

_your defence wall."_

-"Care to explain a bit further?"

_-"I could have happened to ¨accidentally¨ knock her in the head. Accidents happen__s easily, don't _

_they?_

You have underestimated me greatly, Nao-san. That was a very awful approach.

-"These ¨accidents¨ you speak of. They appear to happen very often around you. What would your

mother assume if she were informed regarding them?"

_-"Don't you dare bring her into this, Fujino! This is between you and me!"_

-"I see. In that case, enlighten me, who can I bring into this? I think I need to refresh my memory.

Would you kindly inform me?"

_-"Shut up! You're not much better of yourself, Fujino. Don't act like you have other people who _

_actually care for you. We both know they only care for your money or maybe your looks."_

Inwards I wince. Why? Because it is the truth, I have no other close to myself. No other than Natsuki,

which I feel is to some extent one-sided.

-"Before you continue on your line of thought perhaps you should reconsider if they are of importance

to me. Do I appear to be bothered?"

_-"Haha, I'm impressed. No wonder nobody wants to take you on. You're good. But I didn't come here _

_if I __wasn't prepared. You see...I know what your weakness is, even if it's your __only__ weakness."_

I need to maintain my calm composure. Calm down.

-"Ara, Nao-san you are speaking pointless rambles yet again. I wonder if you do happen to include a

point."

_-"Oh, I think you already know my point. In the end it all comes down to your dear Natsuki, doesn't _

_it?"_

Once again the insolent sneer appears on her face. And I can sense myself loosing my composure.

-"Do you wish for an encore of our little ¨encounter¨ we had during the Hime-festival? Is it what

you desire?"

_-"I'm not afraid of __you__, Fujino! It's you with powers and child that scared me. Right now you're _

_nothing; you gained nothing and lost everything. Why are you trying so hard for someone who doesn't _

_care?"_

-"A being full of spite will never understand the meaning behind my deeds. Say and think whatsoever

about me but I do not tolerate such things towards Natsuki. Whoever they may be I will make sure they

never commit the same mistake twice. They will not receive a second opportunity. Mark my words,

Nao-san."

_-"Oh, I'm a foul being full of spite? Isn't Natsuki the same? Why does everybody surround _

_themselves around her? Why do someone as you care so much about someone like her? Everyone is supposed_

_ to look at her just as they look at me. __They should see the same person I see. The self-absorbed, cold_

_ and ignorant brat she is. She acts as if she's the only person in the world who's had a rough _

_life."_

-"Never consider yourself an equal to Natsuki. It may be true that you share a similar childhood;

however she possesses something you will never be able to grasp. She understands the saying ¨Give and

you shall receive¨. She offered me an identity, she accepted me for who I was and for that I will

give her whatever she wants within my power. You simply take without anything to offer in return, for

you feel as if the whole world should pity you. Pity for what you have been experienced and hatred

towards the injustice you have been exposed to. Therefore if you wish to settle it among us I will

gladly accept your challenge although if you wish to harm Natsuki then I will defend her with the

little I have remained, my life."

_ -"You don't know anything of me or what I am capable of! __I came here to destroy you Fujino and _

_I'll be damned if I don't succeed! You like to use your big and beautiful words to shut people up. _

_You constantly instruct others with your nice and colourful speeches but I'll prove that you know as _

_little as me about giving!! And I'll prove it, __right__ here and __right__ now!!"_

Swiftly from nowhere was a gun pulled forward. She was aiming at me. And silently I thanked her for

freeing me from my torment. Then her lips formed yet another smile and her eyes almost glowed of

madness.

_-"I will hurt you where it hurts the most, the very place which you never can protect enough. And I _

_will challenge your very own words."_

The next few seconds my mind did not have time to register. Natsuki...bullet...must have something

in-between...not enough time. That is why I made the only logical decision. I ran.

--

* * *

"_**Perhaps this is the best solution to both of our problems. You will live on without **_

_**anything to burden your being. And I will never again have to go against my true desires."**_

_--_

Who's there? That voice ...so familiar... But something's not right here.

What happened? Where the hell am I?

Oh damn it, I was supposed to meet Shizuru and now I'm probably late. Not that I usually am on time

but for once when I WANTED to be on time THIS happens. This is just great...

--

Wait a minute, why do I even care if I'm late? When did I start to care anyway?... it's... I just...

Wanted a change, yeah, that's right, a change. So it's not because of HER.

--

Now that I think about it, she has been avoiding me for some weird reasons lately. Although she says

it's because she's busy, but I'm not stupid. Something is wrong with her, anyone can tell that

something is wrong. Anyway, its fine with me, I don't care if she really is avoiding me, I'm totally

fine with it... I swear.

--

Ohh, what the hell.

Who am I trying to fool? Frankly I do miss her. Not that she will hear that coming out of my

mouth...EVER! But seriously we both need to have a talk, it's not that I need it but...people have to

do it once in a while right? If she needs it then, I'll do it. I really will.

--

Okay enough of this talking to myself or none in particular thing. Ouch! Damn, my head hurts! Oh yeah,

that's right. I got knocked out cold and when I find that bastard I'm gonna show him...or her how

the hell you knock someone out! I'm gonna beat the shit out of the stupid idiot. Couldn't you have

picked a better day? WHY! Why today of all 365 freaking days! It's not like you haven't got any

choices! Or wasn't it enough!? Stupid prick! Now I've probably got a bump in my head and Shizuru's

gonna worry again. I hate it when she worries. I hate it even more when she tries to hide it. I don't

want to see her sad. Well I guess that option is out huh? Now I'm gonna go see her for the first time

in a week with a huge bump in my head, a nasty headache and...where did I fall again? Oh hell no!

Don't tell me I fell on the ground! It was raining today. Now I'm gonna be covered in mud and she

won't hug me and...HEY! Why am I so concerned about my appearance!? It's not like it's a date.

CAUSE IT'S NOT! This is just great! To add it to everything I'm becoming a psycho –freak who talks

to herself. (I just hope Shizuru doesn't mind.)

--

When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was two piercing read eyes. Other people would have found

them scary or intimidating. To me they had the opposite effect. I felt calm and safe. I noticed that

she was leaning over me and had an arm on the side of my head and the other one was helping her

support herself against the tree. A smile reached my lips. She had her usual smile on her already

perfect face. And I said the first thing that came to my mind.

-"I love you."

It was as simple as that. And I could see tears already beginning to form in her eyes. At the moment I

just thought she was happy to finally hear me say it.

_-__"Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?" _

I could see worry in her eyes. And I wanted to reassure her.

-"No, I'm fine."

And to make her understand I even smiled. It was a genuine smile, one of my few smiles.

_--_

Suddenly she closed her eyes and slowly started to lean forward. My face felt like it was on fire. It

may have looked like that too.

She's going to kiss me!

And it hit me that I didn't mind. That maybe I also deserved some happiness. And maybe I needed her

as much as she wanted me. I closed my eyes and waited for the kiss to come...and it never came. And it

never would...

--

"_**Perhaps this is the best solution to both of our problems. You will live on without **_

_**anything to burden your being. And I will never again have to go against my true desires."**_

* * *

And with that it's finished! Is there any need for any further epilogue or is it good as it is? Should I put in an epilogue with Natsuki's thoughts after this incident? It's your call! Thanks for reading!! _**  
**_


	4. Epilogue Bonus chapter

Well most of my readers seemed curious about Natsuki's reaction towards the cruel end I ended Shizuru. Which means this chapter is about Natsuki alone. This will be the last chapter added to this story and after this the story is complete. I was very secretive about this epilogue that not even my boyfriend or does my little sister know how it ends. Of course they tried begging but still it wouldn't seem fair if they knew and you other didn't.

The first time I heard this song I thought it was perfect for Natsuki and Shizuru, without really knowing why those two popped into my head when I listened to the song, I just had to put this song into this chapter. Hope you'll all enjoy it!

Ps. Apologise for any grammar or spelling errors. Ds.

--

"From a third person's perspective" 

-"Natsuki talking"

"_**Song lyrics"**_

**--**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Surely you should know by now that I do not own Mai HiME or the characters. Sadly neither do I own the song "All out of love" by Westlife feat. Delta Goodrem.**

**--**

A single girl is seen walking around on Fuka Gakuens grounds. With determined steps she heads for the

forest behind the school. Her heart aches seeing the spot where it all ended .Successfully avoiding

this place for a week but with time she wanted...no needed to come back. Come back once more and maybe

find the answers she so desperately searched for in her heart, mind, thoughts and memories. Never

wanting to believe what really transpired a week ago and wishing it all was a bad dream. Stubbornly

calling the same number wishing for its owner to pick up and answer as if nothing ever happened. For

everything to be normal again, just like before. Hoping for a chance to redeem herself and only to

receive a monotone voice telling her that this person cannot be reached. Cruelly forcing her to

realise that she never will succeed in reaching her again.

--

"_**I'm lying alone with my head on the phone **_

_**Thinking of you 'til**__** it hurts" **_

_--_

She turns her head upwards towards the sky, talking to no one in particular.

-"Neh, Shizuru...you've spoiled me. I have so many questions and I'm used just coming to you and

ask. You would always have all the answers I needed. But I can't do that anymore now can I? I never

even got the chance to say...I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for never considering your feelings and always making you worry during the HiME-Festival.

I'm sorry for shutting you out.

I'm sorry for being so blind.

But most of all...I'm sorry for hurting you, constantly and without stopping.

I'm so stupid...so stupid."

--

She falls on her knees sobbing and with tears she didn't even notice were there. Silently apologising

and cursing herself for her carelessness. The heaven seems to pity this devastated girl with countless

of raindrops which starts to fall.

_--_

"_**I know you hurt too but what else can we do **_

_**Tormented and torn apart" **_

_--_

-"I never used to care about what happened to me. I had no one left except memories of my mother. I

dedicated my life to revenge mother and found out that even she didn't really care about me. I was

alone and without a meaning of life. You crept into my life slowly but securely. Strong-minded you

kept pushing your way and you cared about me. Later on I discovered I cared too. I didn't want you to

worry, I didn't want you to be sad but most of all I didn't want you to get hurt. And somehow I

started caring about myself just so you didn't have to trouble over me. You made me start living

again and one week ago you did everything so that I could stay living. I tried, Shizuru. I really

tried not to waste your effort in keeping me breathing, but it's so hard alone."

--

She is facing the tree which she only a week ago was leaning at. It was also the last time she would

see her smile. If she knew it was the very last time she would have paid more attention memorizing her

features to the very last detail.

_--_

"_**I wish I could carry your smile in my heart **_

_**For times when my life feels so low **_

_**It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring **_

_**When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know" **_

_--_

-"I don't want to know what tomorrow will be like. Because it would never be as I want it. I want

you here...with me. I want you to tease me 'til I blush and I want to hear you giggle when I do. I

never thanked you enough for what you did. In fact I never did thank you at all."

_--_

"_**I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you **_

_**I know you were right believing for so long **_

_**I'm all out of love, what am I without you **_

_**I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong" **_

--

-"I wanted someone to care...you were there.

I needed someone...you were there.

I didn't want anyone...you were there.

I pushed everyone away...and yet you were still there.

You never asked any questions and you never demanded anything from me. You just wanted me to feel and

be safe. You were so smart, Shizuru. How come you didn't know I needed you to feel the other?"

_--_

"_**I want you to come back and carry me home **_

_**Away from these**__** long lonely nights"**_

_--_

-"I used to like being alone. You never need to think about anyone else and worry. There's no one

who can hurt you and there's no one for you to hurt."

_--_

"_**I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too **_

_**Does this feeling seem oh so right"**_

_--_

She stands up and slowly finds herself looking upwards. Rain is running down her face, mixed with

tears.

--

-"You once told me you would go through heaven and hell for me. So where are you now? Are you in

heaven and leaving me in this living hell or are you in hell waiting for me to join you?"

_--_

"_**And what would you say if I called on you now **_

_**And said that I can't hold on **_

_**There's no easy way, it gets harder each day **_

_**Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone" **_

_--_

-"I'm fading away. For each day that goes by, little by little, my will crumbles away. The will to

go on isn't there. The love I was supposed to give is here, but you aren't. So what am I suppose to

do now? I finally accepted your love. At last I realised I love you too. But the first time I told you

would also be the last and I didn't even know about it."

--

The rain finally stopped. The sun was still hiding behind clouds but the girl did not seem to care. It

was cold outside, as in her heart.

--

_**I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you **_

_**I know you were right believing for so long **_

_**I'm all out of love, what am I without you **_

_**I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong **_

--

-"Why? I've been torturing myself with questions, questions without answers.

Why didn't you tell me? Tell me that you were dying?

Why did you check with me first when you knew I was fine? When you were the one who got hurt.

Why did you save me?

Why did you sacrifice yourself for me even when I did nothing other but hurt you?

Why didn't I do something?

Was it anything I could do?

Would it change the outcome if I did something...anything different?

What would you do if you were me right now?"

_**-- **_

_**Oh, what are you thinking of? **_

_**I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you **_

_**I know you were right believing for so long **_

--

Slowly realising her prayers was in vain for no one could offer her the answers she needed. The only

one who could was simply not there. Defeated her arms drops to each side of her, with no signs of

recovering. Looking down with hair hanging in front of her face shielding herself from the outside

world, trapping her in her own world.

As if sensing something was wrong a gentle wind blows brushing her hair back in a gentle caress. With

a shocked expression the girl finally straightens herself. Her senses told her one thing and her heart

another. Doubting her heart once again she told herself it was only her imagination playing with her.

Then another wind blows. This time sneakily and touches the back of her head, causing the girl to

shiver. This simple touch feeling familiar and realising who it once belonged to she quickly spins

around trying to find its owner. Twisting and turning her head and still no signs of the target.

However this time she chooses to finally believe her heart. Finally finding her answers she smiled

with tears still streaming down her beautiful face.

--

_**I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you **_

_**I know you were right believing for so long (Believing for so long)**_

_**I'm all out of love (all out of love), what am I without you **_

_**I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong (So wrong)**_

-"Neh, Shizuru? Our story never started and just like that it ended. But it doesn't matter anymore.

I can't change reality. There's only one thing left for me to do.

You carried me for so long, it's my turn to carry you...in my heart where you've always belonged."

--

* * *

And now my first fic is complete! I'm kinda sad about it but still happy cause now I can focus on my next idea which hopefully will be as appreciated as this one. Thanks once again for reading and don't forget to push the little blue button and review for encouragement in support of the next fic! 


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